17 June 2025

Meloni vs Macron

 

What really happened? Let's break it down...

The scene: A slightly too-warm G7 side room, post-dinner, with a half-eaten plate of artisanal cheeses between them.

Macron: (Leaning in conspiratorially, with a mischievous glint in his eye) Giorgia, my dear, I must confess, I’ve been trying to decipher your sprezzatura all evening. Is it an art form, or simply a well-honed talent for looking utterly unimpressed?

Meloni: (Raises an eyebrow, a flicker of a smile playing on her lips) Emmanuel, with all due respect, I believe what you perceive as "unimpressed" is merely the natural state of someone listening to an hour-long discourse on the geopolitical implications of… artichoke hearts.

Macron: (Feigning shock, hand to his chest) But the Tuscan artichoke! A culinary metaphor for European unity! Complex, multifaceted, occasionally a little… thorny.

Meloni: (Sighs dramatically, taking a small, dignified bite of pecorino) And much like some European policies, best when consumed with a healthy dose of skepticism. And perhaps a very large glass of Montepulciano.

Macron: (Nods thoughtfully) Ah, the Montepulciano! The true foundation of any good European negotiation. Perhaps we should conduct all future summits in a trattoria. Fewer microphones, more… digestifs.

Meloni: (A genuine, hearty laugh escapes her) Emmanuel, now that is an idea I can get behind! No more endless speeches about digital currencies, just good wine and honest disagreements. Though, I warn you, my honest disagreements often involve waving my hands rather vigorously.

Macron: (Grins, holding up his hands in mock surrender) My dear Giorgia, I’m French. I’m quite accustomed to vigorous hand-waving. It’s practically our national sport. Just try not to hit anyone with a stray baguette.

Meloni: (Winks) Only if you promise not to try and explain the subtle nuances of French existentialism over the cheese course again. My brain can only handle so much philosophy after a day of global crises.

Macron: (Puts a hand to his chin, feigning deep thought) A fair compromise. Though, you must admit, the Sartrean perspective on multilateralism is truly…

Meloni: (Picks up a small, decorative G7 flag and playfully waves it like a referee’s flag) Offside, Emmanuel! Offside! Now, about that Montepulciano… I believe it's your turn to pour.

Macron: (Reaches for the bottle with a flourish) To G7 summits, where the true diplomacy happens not in the meeting rooms, but in the moments when we forget we're leaders, and remember we're just… people who really need a drink.

Meloni: (Clinks her glass with his, a rare, amused smile on her face) Or at least, people who really need to escape a lecture on artichoke hearts.