If history is written by the victors, the 2020s are currently being written in two very different fonts: Russia is using a blunt, broken crayon, while the United States just used a laser pointer to delete a government during a commercial break.
As we bask in the glow of 2026, the contrast between the Russian Special Military Snail-Pace in Ukraine and the U.S. Operation Maduro-is-to-Go is so vast it borders on slapstick comedy.
Let’s talk about Vladimir Putin’s army. In early 2022, the world was told Kyiv would fall in three days. Fast forward nearly four years, and the Russian military is still treating a few miles of muddy trench in the Donbas like it’s the conquest of the Roman Empire.
Russia’s strategy has evolved from modern blitzkrieg to Aggressive Loitering. They have managed to turn the world’s second-most powerful military into a high-stakes scavenger hunt for 1960s-era tank parts. Their tactical genius involves:
The "Meat Wave" Maneuver: Sending infantry across minefields to see where the explosions are.
Logistics by Luck: Hoping the fuel trucks find the tanks before the Ukrainian tractors find the fuel trucks.
Masterful PR: Declaring everything is going according to plan while the plan is currently entering its 46th month of oops.
At this rate, the Russian army will reach the outskirts of Kyiv roughly around the same time humans colonize Mars.
Then there’s the United States. On January 3, 2026, the Pentagon apparently decided they had a dinner reservation they couldn't miss. While Russia has spent 1,400+ days failing to capture a single mid-sized Ukrainian city, the U.S. managed to dismantle the entire Venezuelan executive branch in the time it takes to watch a Marvel movie.
The Maduro regime—which had survived years of protests, sanctions, and strong words—lasted about 120 minutes against a group of guys in night-vision goggles.
01:00 AM: Maduro is sleeping, dreaming of more TV appearances.
01:30 AM: U.S. electronic warfare turns Caracas into a Wi-Fi-free zone.
02:30 AM: Delta Force is walking through the front door of the Miraflores Palace like they’re checking into a Marriott.
03:00 AM: Maduro is in a C-17 transport plane, presumably wondering if he can at least get a bag of pretzels.
The U.S. didn't just take the country; they did it so fast that the Venezuelan Vice President probably hadn't even finished his morning coffee before he realized he was unemployed.
The comparison is humiliating. Russia is like a guy trying to break down a door with his forehead for four years, while the U.S. just walked up, picked the lock, and stole the furniture while the owner was in the shower.
Russia’s military doctrine seems to be "If at first you don't succeed, lose another 10,000 tanks." Meanwhile, the U.S. has proven that if you have enough satellites, stealth tech, and a complete lack of patience, you can overthrow a dictator and be back home in time for the early bird special.
In the 2026 Olympics of Military Prowess, Russia gets a participation trophy (which they will likely lose to a Ukrainian drone), and the U.S. gets the gold medal for "Most Efficient Use of a Saturday Morning."