Love, in its myriad forms, is the most powerful and perplexing of human experiences, inspiring both the sublime and the spectacularly foolish. But what exactly is this force? Is it merely a play on our emotions, or is it a deep-seated biological drive?
Love is not a single, invented concept but an evolutionary adaptation. While the concept of romantic love as we know it today, tied to marriage and individual fulfillment, largely evolved during the Middle Ages, its biological foundation is ancient. From an evolutionary perspective, love is a commitment device that motivated pair-bonding, essential for raising highly dependent human offspring. No single person invented it; rather, it arose from the need for cooperation and survival.
At its core, falling in love is a neurochemical roller coaster. The process begins with attraction, driven by high levels of dopamine (the reward and pleasure chemical), which produces feelings of euphoria, intense focus, and craving—the reason for those racing hearts and sleepless nights. The cuddle hormone, oxytocin, released during intimacy, then fosters deep attachment and trust, helping to forge long-term bonds. This chemical high is so similar to the effects of addictive substances that it can temporarily shut down areas of the prefrontal cortex responsible for rational thought and social judgment, explaining why people, in the throes of passion, often do stupid things. It is an intense, compelling emotional state that the rational mind, by design, finds difficult to reject.
The intense, obsessive phase of romantic love—often called the honeymoon period—is biologically unsustainable. When people fall out of love, it often signifies the body’s return to a normal chemical baseline. The constant, intoxicating surge of dopamine and norepinephrine, which fuels the initial novelty and excitement, gradually subsides as the brain habituates to the partner’s presence. This normalization forces the relationship to rely less on intoxicating passion (Eros) and more on the calmer, enduring comfort of companionate love, which is supported by oxytocin and vasopressin. Failing this transition, particularly when coupled with unresolved conflict or the loss of novelty, the attachment weakens, leading to emotional detachment.
Contrary to the idea that love defies religious thought, many world religions incorporate love as a central, divine virtue, seeing it as the highest spiritual connection to God or humanity (Agape). However, when the deeply personal, impulsive nature of eros (romantic love) clashes with rigid moral structures, conflict can arise.
The concept of enduring love can also be actively abandoned, not because the connection failed, but because survival mechanisms override the pair-bond. People give up relationships to save a life or achieve a better life when the cost of the relationship (be it danger, poverty, or emotional instability) threatens their long-term well-being or the survival of dependents. The bond, fueled by oxytocin, can be eroded by chronic stress.
Finally, while love is essential for human survival, the discrepancy between movie romance and real life is simple: media sells fantasy. Hollywood provides a perfectly structured, idealised narrative—a meet-cute, inevitable obstacles, and a grand, climactic gesture that leads to a guaranteed happily ever after. Real life, however, is messy, complicated, and filled with mundane maintenance. The complexity and nuance of two flawed people growing together doesn't translate easily into a two-hour film, making the simplified, highly chemical rush of cinematic romance a far more profitable escape.